No longer red and white, but still orange...

It's easy to see why Soap Operas are so popular. Blackmail, affairs and illnesses plague the screens and people watch because however bad their lives are, the characters always seem to have it worse. This slightly explains why the last blog I wrote, which contained blood, dye and excrement gained the most hits. I obviously need to have more accidents! After the appalling weather yesterday I stupidly took a look at lastminute. Now I am rather tempted to declare bankruptcy, pack my bags and move abroad. Italy is scoring top at the moment, but I have not even started researching into France. All I know is when I am older I would very much like to live by the sea and grow vegetables. And of course, that means beans.

Must. Keep. Smiling...

Over the past few days I have been a nit-wit, rather clumsy and a beanpole. I will elaborate. It was Friday morning. I was jogging. The sun was shining, the smell of manure from the nearby farm was wafting in the wind, and Ryan Adams (not to be confused with Bryan Adams), was singing in my ears about a Nobody Girl. Nothing could stop me. Nothing apart from a slightly raised paving stone. After my legs failed to keep up with my upper body I hit the floor like a plank of wood. Had I got away with it? No. The children from the nearby school found it hilarious. The whole playground did. I gave them my best smile and cursory wave and tried not to grimace. Needless to say my run ended in a limp to the nearest supermarket to grab some plasters. However, this was only the beginning. While hunting for Sainsbury's own brand, I saw that John Frieda products were on sale. Always one to grab a bargain I thought why not. I was going to go blonde. So back home I went; knees patched up, foam in hair, stopwatch set. 40 minutes later, after the remainder of the dye had disappeared down the plughole and my hair had slightly dried I took a peak. And gulped. My hair was now a healthy shade of orange. Over the weekend I have slowly come to terms with my face continually clashing with my hair. I wish I did not blush so easily. So today, I went back out for another bout of exercise. Unfortunately, someone has not yet grown tired of pulling my stings. I looked up to follow the flight of a butterfly and was pooed on by a duck. Right on my nose. I must have been a very bad person in my previous life.

Beans would never have this many problems...

Have you ever seen that movie? Where the two characters have organised to meet...and end up in the same cafe but different places? Today I was one of them. And poor Charlie was the other. It also did not help that my phone, which has developed mood swings at the age of six, decided it would be the perfect time to throw a tantrum. Luckily it all worked out. London just has too much of everything. The last time I was in the city I saw Matilda, The Musical. And after the four girls won Olivier Awards for their performances, I thought I would give my opinion. Amazing. I will never forget the P.E. lesson that Miss Trunchbull took which ended with her flying (rather gracefully) through the air after springing off a tiny trampoline. Kerry Ingram was superb as Matilda, fiery, thoughtful, innocent. The music by Tim Minchin linked all the acts and showed off the clever lyrics. And the 'Telly' song in the interval is not to be missed. (Although Michael Wormwood is not the virtuoso guitar player his father thinks he is.) I'm not normally so positive. The Lion King let me down, twice, as did Wicked. Perhaps I'm just odd. However, it's lovely to be back home for a few days, I just wish I hadn't brought the rain along with me.

Even if I don't look the part...

Last night I was a dancing bean. Literally. After putting it off for a few weeks it was time to face the music. Although next time I will wear something other than a baggy jumper, my usual leggings, woolly socks and trainers. My distinct lack of skirt was visibly noticeable. Salsa also demands hip movement, something which obviously went to my brother in the gene pool. When Tom from Hertford came up to visit we went for a tour around Lancaster Castle. Luckily it is no longer being used as a prison, as otherwise the fact I totally messed up their payment machine with my card might have been a lot more serious. It's well worth a visit. From the functioning court rooms with seats costing thousands, to what's left of the prison with the pitch black cells and thick, bleak walls, you can see why the janitor was bribed on a daily basis. Although that could have just been because he was not paid. One of the most interesting rooms contained hundreds of shields, including the Queen's. This got me thinking about what my shield might look like. Perhaps a rose and some skis, or even a barcode, a nickname I gained in school (another thing which my brother then stole). Whatever the outcome it's final destination would have to be somewhere like the castle. Royalty, here I come!

The joys of jogging...

Today I bought a beanbag. And after constantly fidgeting I have now found the perfect position...pretty much off it. We have seen a lot of the Lake District in the past few days. Kendal and Cartmel to be precise. The sticky toffee pudding is well worth a taste. Although the south is very pretty, I still prefer the more dramatic hills of the north. Last year I spent a week getting lost around Ambleside, Bowness, Grasmere and Hawkshead. Personally, I think getting off the beaten path is the best way to explore. Apart from when you are jogging. To see a bus going in the opposite direction with Lancaster displayed as the destination does not bode well. Especially as 'soggy tomato' will never be a good look.

Rocks and mountains...

Beans are back on the menu, the running variety that is. With the half-marathon less than two months away training is in full swing, and Lancaster seems the perfect place. From the flat canal paths to the hills of Williamson Park, hopefully no complications will arise. This weekend I am heading up to the Lake District. The last time I was up in the fells it was freezing and caked in snow; the sun was fighting a continuing battle with the mist and casting eerie shadows across the surrounding hills. Hopefully the weather will be better this time. After being in Lancaster for four consective days, I am finally settling down and completing all those annoying tasks that have been building up over the past year. I now just need to do all those other ones too! For once the rain is working to my advantage; I have no desire to get soaked more than I need to.